I figured that this strip was already standing on its head, might as well finish it with a punchline coup de grace.
That first aid kit was originally Vatchel’s, wasn’t it?
Reminds me of the time I almost died after hitting a deer on the interstate. (It wasn’t the collision with the deer that was life-threatening; it was the idiot who thought the red flashing lights and warning flares meant he had to speed up to get past the problem. If I had looked up half a second later I would have been standing next to the car when he hit it at 70mph, not running for my life.) It was that incident that convinced me that I really, REALLLLY needed to get some kind of weapon I could use to “thin the herd” – literally. Unfortunately, I couldn’t (and still can’t) fit anything like that into the budget. Maybe a good-ol baseball bat to use as a club, but Iowa doesn’t have a hunting season that lets you go mano-a-mano with your meal. Maybe I could claim it was trying to break into my apartment?
“Hello. My name is Muzhik Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to AHHH! AHHHGH! HOOVES! HOOVES! SHARP! STOP KICKING ME! AHHHGGGHHrrgle…”
Deer are so common in Ohio that in some areas you are allowed to take up to 6 of them. From September through February the most common cause of car accidents in our rural area are deer strikes. I’ve taken two so far this year via archery. My sis-in-law, back in the 90s, hit a very large buck with her 1980 Monte Carlo and demolished it (the car, the buck was still 70% edible). When a buck is on the trail of a doe in heat they pay attention to nothing else. I followed one in my truck for half a mile down a small country road about midnight one night, 15 feet behind him, honking the horn occasionally and flashing the lights, and yelling at him through the open widow. He paid zero attention to me and if I had been tooling down a regular road at 50 MPH I’d have creamed him. He only dodged off the road when the doe’s scent veered off into a field. Talk about a one-track mind!
I hate to be a party pooper, but I’m certain that cows have cloven hooves. Maybe they put on special booties for trampling vultures?
I grew up with cows and cartoons. The cartoon universe allows for unihoof cows, unless it’s Cowpokes.
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